He Chose His Daughters over Traditions: A Lesson from an Afghan Father

Image: AI-generated

Author: Mursal Qaisari

In a world full of sorrow and discrimination, where we girls grow up, having a supportive father is not only a blessing but a miracle. I am one of those lucky daughters who experienced this miracle in her life. My father not only did not restrict me, but he gave me wings to fly.

I was raised in a Pashtun family in Afghanistan, and I have five elder sisters and one younger brother. In a society like Afghanistan, when a family has only daughters and no sons, heavy looks and judgments always follow. People in my country believe that having a son is a kind of honor and a guarantee of the family’s future. When a father does not have a son, many pressure him to remarry so that he can have one and continue his family name.

Before my brother was born, my father experienced the same situation, he had six daughters and no son. Many people would say, “Why doesn’t he remarry? Doesn’t he want a son who will take care of him one day?” Although my brother was born two years after me and I did not hear such things myself, my mother and sisters often told me about those times.

But my father never had such wrong thoughts. Even though he held a respected position in our city and could have easily remarried, he never considered it. He never saw us as less capable or less valuable than boys. Instead, he believed that we had the same ability and worth that any son could have.

Since my childhood, the only things I received from him were love, care, and endless support. In a society where some fathers restrict their daughters to stay at home or marry at an early age, my father always encouraged us to chase our dreams and pursue education. That is why all four of my elder sisters have graduated from university, and I am now studying in Pakistan with one of my sisters. He always wanted us to get what we truly deserve.

He never told me, “You can’t do it because you are a girl.” Instead, he gave me courage, love, and support. He always believed in me and provided the opportunities I needed to reach my dreams. This vision of my father, in a society that often sees women as less valuable than men, was like a light for me.

He is the one who proved to me that good men still exist men who do not ignore their daughters, men who, instead of remarrying and breaking their family’s hearts, give value to the family they already have. My sisters and I were raised by such a man.

When conditions in Afghanistan became too difficult for living and studying, he tried hard to get me out of the country so that I could live in a safer environment, a place where I could learn, live peacefully, and freely pursue my dreams. It was not an easy decision for him, because in our culture it is a big issue when a young girl travels alone to another country. But he never paid attention to such barriers. Eventually, he brought me to Pakistan to continue my education.

This sacrifice shows that he is not just my father; he is the hero of my life. When I look back at the path I have walked, I realize that it would have been impossible without him. Although I have always had the full support of my mother and sisters, in Afghanistan every major decision for a daughter belongs to her father. If he had not supported me, I would also have been trapped between restrictions and silent walls. But he never wanted me or any of my sisters to be prisoners of tradition.

My father taught me that the value of a girl lies in her abilities, not in the opinion of others. He showed me through his actions that respect for women is not just a slogan, it can be reflected in a man’s behavior, in his choices, and in his fatherly love. His support gave me such power and confidence that nothing can take them away from me.

I wish all Afghan girls had a father like mine. I wish all fathers would give their daughters wings to fly, rather than limiting them. Then maybe our world would become a better place, maybe being a girl would no longer feel so hard.

With every step I take and every decision I make, I know I am not alone. There is a man standing by my side who has built bridges for me instead of barriers. He taught me that a father can also be a friend. For me, he is not just a father but my whole world. He is the answer to all those who say that good men are rare. I say no, good men still exist, men who remain loyal to their wives and give wings to their daughters to fly.

I wrote this piece about my own father, a man who proved to me that being a girl is not a shame or a crime, but a pride. He showed me that having six daughters and only one son was never a lack for him, but a blessing.

Today, I want to convey a message to all Afghan fathers:

Having a daughter is a pride. Your daughters are as valuable as your sons. They carry your name with honor and dignity. If a father, like mine, believes in his daughter, that girl can even change the world.

I hope the story of my life inspires Afghan fathers to love and support their daughters more. I hope for a day when all fathers believe in their daughters, support them, and never consider them a burden or a disgrace. I hope they understand that a daughter can build the future of her family, and even her country, shoulder to shoulder with a son, and sometimes even more.